i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
