my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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