woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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