4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you had me at cake vodka
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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