NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
