I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
