The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
