I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
