I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
