I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
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i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
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I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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