DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
