Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
