please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
