Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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