You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize