i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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