That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
