May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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