yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
