I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
