It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
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I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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