I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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