I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
