she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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