why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize