well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
