I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
