Umm I'm too high to move.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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