So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
