Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
