yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
