i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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