It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Enjoy the penises
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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