NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
