I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
