either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
