oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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