Im at strip club and am horny
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
