Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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