im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
