do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
