She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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