I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
