Porn is love you can see.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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