wrigley field is MILF paradise
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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