I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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