I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
