did you get engaged???
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
