Dual....:-)
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
