Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
