just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Even my vagina gasped.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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