But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
