Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
