Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
