Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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