we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
