Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
