How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
