I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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