Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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