she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
