I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
