I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
