vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
