eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
