I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
