I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
