I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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