Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
