I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize